How can something as simple as cleaning out my room bring you back? As sit here, getting ready for college, I find you. The most beautiful bracelet. Our notes from high school. And worst of all..the promise ring. I can’t believe the trust and love that was in that ring. All the memories that go along with it. And here I am now. Alone. Without you. All the promises we kept, all the plans we made. Empty and broken. I would give anything for one more chance. Because years later, I still miss you.
I still miss you. Even after all this time, I still want you. I would still do anything to be with you again. And ya know what sucks even more than that? You don’t care. Not one bit. And I don’t think I can handle that anymore. I fucking miss you. I’d give anything for one more minute with you. I just can’t do this anymore.
There would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need for crying over you. No need for heartbreaks. No need for pain or tears. No need for forgotten promises. No need for rejected hugs. No need for crying myself to sleep. No need for acting like you care. No need, for everything you’ve done to make me feel like absolutely nothing.
But then again, I’m glad I did meet you. Cause you were the one who always asked me if anything was wrong. You were the one who loved me for me. The one who cared when everyone else didn’t. The one who listened. The one who stayed up late to talk about the randomest shit ever. You were the one who i told secrets to. The one who laughed at my bad jokes. The one who did things, just for me. I just fucking miss you.
Hey. So I know it’s been awhile. And our last conversation didn’t go well. But I just want you to know I still think about you everyday. I still miss everything. But I don’t want you back. I want our friendship back. That’s the thing I miss the most. You truly were my best friend. And no one, no matter how hard they try, will ever be able to replace that. You were the one I could always count on, no matter how bad the situation. You didn’t give up on me. You were there. I didn’t have to worry about my problems bugging you, because it was just known to me that you cared. Big or small, you cared. And I miss it. I miss it more than anything in the world. And as amazing as our relationship was, I would trade it all just to be your best friend again. I would give anything in the world to get that back. And the thing that hurts the most is knowing I can never have it. No matter how hard we try to forget what has happened, nothing will ever be the same as it was. And I hate it. I want to go back to the days when I called you my brother. When we could sit in my basement for hours and just talk. When we could lay next to each other and it not be a problem. When we could talk about boys, like you hated them too. Or we could sit and just laugh. About absolutely nothing. I miss it. I just miss it all. And I think what makes it hurt so much, is the fact that there will always be a part of me that will sit around waiting for you. I will always have that little tiny bit of hope that everything will come back and everything will be okay again. On top of that, no matter what you do to me, and despite what you’ve already done, I know that if you needed me, there is no way I could say no. I will always have a spot for you, and I will always be someone you can count on. And I haven’t decided if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, but it’s the truth. Call it love, call it true friendship, call it crazy. I don’t know what it is. But whatever you want to call it, it’s true. And I can’t deny that. There will always be a part of me that cares for you like no one else.
I cannot wait for the day I can look at you and feel nothing. That will be the best day of my life.
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